Thought

Forgive?

7/07/2016 01:32:00 AM
Two minutes to the end of the first day of Eid Mubarak. The start of people copy-pasted a broadcast message to everyone on the friend list. I was opening my twitter page when I realized the veracity of my tweet based on experience that says, "Because forgiveness is a certainty, but forgetting is a different matter."

As Eid Al-Fitr days come, people are flocking to apologize to almost everyone that knows them. As if apologize is something obligatory to do and saying that has become very elementary. When the fact is apologizing in general is something that can be hard to some people. When they have to put aside their ego, their pride, to make amend of something that they did.

However, I'm not saying that apologizing is not important in these holy days. Apologizing and forgiving are needed to ease the relationship in turmoil. Not only to the relationship itself, but also to our peaceful and serene heart. Despite the fact that apologizing is indeed can be hard, forgiving on the other hand is pretty harder. We may say it easily that we forgive someone that has disappointed or hurt us. However, it takes process and time to forgive someone to the step that we stop bringing that briefcase in our life, or by other means forgetting them.

To forget means that we erase that part of something hurtful from history in order to move on, but that doesn't mean that we pardon it. We just want to eliminate the memory of someone hurting us. But after a while of forgetting in silence, it's also an act of forgiving. The irony, to forgive does not equals to forget. Let say that we forgive someone, but not often deep down we recall the memory of him crushing our heart with a hammer that the bruise is still lingered after all this time, so does the pain. Or the anger of someone who has disappointed us is still haunting, smashing down the wall of forgiveness that we just said. This is not healthy but this is what could happen to us as a human, that we can be full of undetected grudge.

I agree though with the saying "Forgive but don't forget." Not that I do support holding grudges but rather than forgetting, why don't we see the mistake not for what it actually is but as a lesson. We may forget the emotion that we feel towards the mistake, but not the moment, because it is what teaches us something. It'll happen when we no longer bring up, blaming someone or the situation that makes us hurt. Then we become grateful for everything that has happened. When we see it as a lesson, we also could prevent the same mistake to happen again. Like the quote from Paulo Coelho, the writer of one of my all time favorite books, The Alchemist that says:

“Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again. 
Forgiving changes the perspectives. 
Forgetting loses the lesson.”

Forgiving is hard, moreover forgetting. However, rather than forgetting, lets change our perspective instead. If you feel like you don't do anything wrong to take a lesson from someone's mistake, maybe the lesson for you is to be a better person. Because you know what they say about the better people, they always rises up. It's hard too, everything related to forgiving is hard, I suppose, but believe me; it's not impossible. Starting with our own intention to make it happen, no matter how long it would take. Because time does not heal all wounds, it's what we do with time that does.
Thought

Lesson Learned: Part One

7/01/2016 09:29:00 PM
Looking back to this month last year, I was working my arse off for university test. Like any other high school senior, we all yearn to enrol to one of the best university in Indonesia (name it: University of Indonesia, Gadjah Mada University, Bandung Institute of Technology, so on). The struggle for all of senior year student is real, they studied in courses by morning and private tutoring by night, or the reverse. It was all to get the education we think we deserve to be successful people. Though indeed, I believe it's just one of the many reason, not the only reason.

It has been almost a year of my study on communication science in one of the best university this country could offer. Through this year I learned not only the models of communication, but also more about life. Starting with living alone, stepping out of my comfort zone, pushing myself to the limit and meeting a lot of people. And frankly, this was all not love at first sight.

Although the distance between Depok and my home is not that far, I chose to live in a boarding house due to many reasons. Departed from my safe haven and my family is the strangest yet thrilling step that I did this year. I learned to do things, calm my anxiety, and solve my problem all by myself, et cetera. Whew, that girl truly has a lot on her plate. Indeed, it was a lot to take in at the first week of living alone. I was contacting my family all day, telling them I'm scared and I miss them badly. It was a depressing moment, feeling very lonely and didn't have anyone to care for me. And that is utterly wrong, this is me getting the real meaning of a friend. Living alone doesn't mean literally you live alone without communication or help from anyone. Through my high school friend, I know someone who also lived near my place. I get acquainted with her and then she introduced me to a lot more student whom all in the same boat. We learned to take care of each other when the needed time came. We're also spending time laughing in a 24-hour tavern 'til morning or studying (when it's exam week lol), I am truly grateful for them. Anyway, living in a boarding house can be peaceful too since there's no traffic jam on our dictionary.

The second time of me stepping out of my comfort zone is learning in social sciences environment. In high school I was a natural science student and that made me having a little clue of what social sciences is. The lessons are very critical to social situation in our everyday life and around us. I was a bit aghast with the four pages essay writing as a final exam. Thankfully, time made me get used to handwrite that freaking essay. In the same environment, I decided to join an organization in my faculty, Student Executive Board. It is the first time I joined an organization and surprisingly I never regret it. Not to be a hypocrite, I admit the first time assigned as a staff in an organization is hella hard. Time management is needed, commitment is needed, and the need list is still going on and on. Yet the effort is worth the thrilling experience that I've never got before. Not only experience working in a group of people, but also the lesson that it taught me; how to be a good leader, how to talk to a lot of people, how to make a discussion, and the lesson list is still going on and on too. I'm currently still serving as a staff in department of science and wish me luck on the next semester. It will be more hectic than before because every project is on. Nevertheless, I believe it will be one hell of a fun ride.

Other than joining an organization this year, I also joined committee in the faculty or department event which made me do crazy things. What I mean by crazy is doing the things I never knew I could do, like performing in a band as an opening of a big art event, making a teaser trailer to every student in Jakarta and its surrounding to watch, designing with a software that I never knew I had in my laptop, playing violin in an orchestra. Tiring is a fact, mindblowing is the larger picture. You never knew what you're capable of before you push yourself to the limit and out of your comfort zone. It will not be comfortable, as you can see; the fear of not being good enough for the job, the pumping chest caused by excitement or nervousness, not experienced enough to do the job. Ultimately, the sweet and sour of it will be a blessing in disguise. However, you must know your limit too. I don't suggest that you do all of this without a bit of relaxation. I support relaxation or me time in between. Our mental health are requiring your time hanging out with family or friends and about. Or just having a me time that we're doing nothing but pampering ourselves.

Speaking of friends, undoubtedly, new area equals new acquaintances. I met a lot of people with a lot of perspective. That variety of perspectives will make us seeing things with an open mind. So, this year I learned to be more open to people, to every possibilities that I have towards the person I met. Citing slightly from existentialism that it's not about what the relation is but more about what we both develop through it that matters. I also learned not to expect too much from a guy, rather than being brokenhearted for a piece of dust. The irony, a guy who out of the blue made me questioning it again came into sight and then became my boyfriend, like a serendipity. Our journey, as well as relationship in general, is a rollercoaster ride. I'm also still working on my trust issues (since an INFJ kinda has that problem). But what every bump that we get delivers are lessons that we can reflect, inspired, or even cherish to. Likewise the case with my close friends.

Like what I cautioned above, it was all not easy at first. Disappointment, sadness, fear, depression, were like the seasonings to my first dish. Yet the dish turned out to be delicious at last. What I want to recall about friendship too, having people that have your back is nice and calming, but you must know that eventually there's no one better we can rely on other than ourselves. We are the one who fight the battle of challenges with the support of others. In the end stepping out of my comfort zone, which I often repeated in this post, has made me getting to know myself more. That after a while this will make me braver and believe in myself to get back up in every challenge ahead. Quoting from Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones, "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you". And I hope you will find that armor and have the courage to get off your butt to do all the same too.