I envy Seas, whereon He rides.

1/25/2014 09:25:00 PM
I envy Seas, whereon He rides—
I envy Spokes of Wheels
Of Chariots, that Him convey—
I envy Crooked Hills

That gaze upon His journey—
How easy All can see
What is forbidden utterly
As Heaven—unto me!

I envy Nests of Sparrows—
That dot His distant Eaves—
The wealthy Fly, upon His Pane—
The happy—happy Leaves—

That just abroad His Window
Have Summer's leave to play—
The Ear Rings of Pizarro
Could not obtain for me—

I envy Light—that wakes Him—
And Bells—that boldly ring
To tell Him it is Noon, abroad—
Myself—be Noon to Him—

Yet interdict—my Blossom—
And abrogate—my Bee—
Lest Noon in Everlasting Night—
Drop Gabriel—and Me –

-Emily Dickinson

They said don't fall in love with the idea of someone, but the person it is. It's often easier said than done. Because in reality, we often feel that way in a person who we don't know really well. Like a stranger but not really a stranger.

It's inevitable. No matter how hard we're trying to remind ourselves that he is just a stranger, but the image of him still etched in our memory, releasing butterfly riots in our stomach. Some said we have to be grateful to feel that way, yet the impacts are unsurpassed.

Sometimes we hope we're saying the same word to each other. Although we don't speak to them that much, so let our eyes and actions represent it. And let the hope springs eternal.

1/18/2014 06:02:00 PM
at last you, will say (maybe without speaking)

(there are mountains inside your skull garden and chaos,
ocean and hurricane; certain corners of rooms,
portraits of great-grandmothers,
curtains of a particular shade; your deserts;
your private dinosaurs; the first woman)

 all i need to know:
tell me everything
just as it was
from the beginning.

— Margaret Atwood —

Dem words.


Without Love

1/10/2014 05:25:00 PM
"'Cause without love, life is like a beat that you can't follow
Without love, life is Doris Day at the Apollo
Darling, I'll be yours forever,
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love.
So darlin' never set me free."

This is the compilation of romantic musical theatre numbers that I hope you'll enjoy listening to it as much as I making it.


Should I say a "happy" new year?

1/01/2014 03:18:00 AM
I don't think it's necessary for my case, or somebody out there to say this with a big smiley face. I never thought of disliking this day, to be honest. I did not expect I would turn into this Ashton Kutcher on New Year's Eve. Yet God gave me something to learn today, you'll never expect what God has for you.

I don't know if I'm going to turn into a Randy, to be clear. I just don't feel the same way as I did  last year. If I could just run away on new year's eve, I would. But my dearest friend, and my new acquaintance in the far away and beautiful country, also gave me some clarity. They know what I went through, and they understand.

When people said, "Don't judge people by its cover.", they're not joking. Others could laugh about that words if someone brings it since it's what people usually do. Today, I acknowledged a lot of things actually, one of them is regarding my dearest friend. Although I can say she's my besties, but in fact, so little that I actually know about her to really judge her. I know her favs, dislikes and hobbies, made me feel like I have enough excuse to judge her. But no, I don't have it.

When I finally know her story, my mind completely exploded by the fact that I was completely wrong about her. Even if I felt like we're besties, I haven't had the right to judge her, because it can be wrong. Or it will always be wrong

I also acknowledged something related to my family. It's my personal problem, so yeah I don't really want to talk about it in the face of people around the world. But let me tell you, it completely blown up my mind. I just want to curl and cry in the choir room like Joey did in Me and My D*ck (hello starkids out there), ok. 

However, let me tell you something, readers. Today, I learned a lot of things from a lot of different people. Unfortunately, it wasn't a happy dopey that I can write a whole details about it on this public blog. I hope what I learned in the beginning of 2014 will make me someone better, and I could start a whole brand new experience and changing myself for good.

It is 3:18 AM in Jakarta. Hopefully I can close my eyes and trasport into the dreamland. Happy New Year 2014!

“You don't get explanations in real life. You just get moments that are absolutely, utterly, inexplicably odd.” ― Neil Gaiman